The Best of Creative Computing Volume 1 (published 1976)
The JOURNALISM Programs: Help for the Weary Writer (sample runs)
Sample Runs of JOURNALISM Programs
SAMPLE STORY A ENTERED INTO THE COMPUTER
1 THE DESTROYERS USS AMMAN AND USS COLLETT COLLIDED THIS MORNING
2 THREE MILES OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST AT NEWPORT BEACH. ELEVEN MEN
WERE REPORTED KILLED WITH AT LEAST SIX OTHERS INJURED.
3 THE COLLISION OCCURED IN A FOG THAT LIMITED VISIBILITY TO LESS
4 THAN A QUARTER OF A MILE. THE FOG HAS ALSO HAMPERED RESCUE EFFORTS
BY HELICOPTERS.
5 A SEAMAN OF THE AMMAN CLAIMED, "THE COLLETT HIT US AMIDSHIPS
AND RIPPED THE SIDE OPEN, JUST LIKE IT HAD BEEN DONE WITH A GIANT
6 CAN OPENER. I WAS BELOW IN THE ENGINE ROOM AND THERE WAS NO
7 WARNING. THE WATER CAME POURING IN."
8 ONE NAVY SOURCE IN LOS ANGELES SAID THAT THE AMMAN'S REAR
ENGINE ROOM WAS FLOODED WITH WATER POURING IN THROUGH A HOLE ON THE
9 PORT SIDE. THE BOW OF THE COLLETT IS REPORTED TO BE DAMAGED.
10 EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE TO TOW THE HEAVILY LISTING AMMAN TO
11 LONG BEACH. A FIRE THAT BROKE OUT AFTER THE COLLISION HAS QUICKLY
BROUGHT UNDER CONTROL.
12 SMALL CRAFT FROM NEWPORT BEACH SPED TO THE SCENE AND BROUGHT
INJURED AND DEAD ASHORE.
13 THE AMMAN WAS HEADED FOR SAN DIEGO AND DEACTIVATION WHEN IT
WAS STRUCK.
14 THE COLLETT WAS CONDUCTING SEA TRIALS AFTER AN OVERHAUL AT
THE LONG BEACH SHIP YARD.
15,16 THE INJURED HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO HOAGUE MEMORIAL HOSPITAL. THEIR
IDENTITIES AND THOSE OF THE DEAD ARE BEING WITHHELD.
COMPUTER ANALYSIS OF SAMPLE STORY A
IDENTIFY THE DESTROYERS BY BASE AND FLOTILLA NUMBER AND REPORT ANY
DAMAGES EARLY IN THE STORY UNLESS YOU HAVE VERY GOOD REASONS FOR NOT
DOING SO.
FINE. I SEE THAT YOU HAVE MENTIONED WHAT THE DESTROYERS WERE DOING
BEFORE THE COLLISION.
I DO NOT FIND WILLIAM WILBERS' NAME. DID YOU LEAVE IT OUT OR MISSPELL
IT? USE AS FULL AN IDENTIFIER AS IS AVAILABLE.
GOOD. YOU HAVE MENTIONED THE HOSPITAL WHERE THE INJURED WERE TAKEN.
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL FDR READERS WITH RELATIVES WHO MAY HAVE
BEEN INJURED IN THE COLLISION.
WHY DID YOU OMIT THE SIZE OF THE SHIPS AND THE NUMBER OF CREWMEN?
THESE DETAILS, AFTER THE OTHER FACTS ARE GIVEN, INDICATE SOMETHING
ABOUT THE MAGNITUDE OF THE ACCIDENT AND DAMAGES.
YOU MAKE YOUR WRITING MORE DIFFICULT BY USING TOO MANY PASSIVE VERBS.
TRY CHANGING THESE TO ACTIVATE VOICE, PRESENT TENSE. CHANGE 4 OR MORE
TO ACTIVE VOICE.
CHECK SENTENCES 2, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15
YOU MAY NEED TO VARY THE LENGTH AND STRUCTURE OF YOUR SENTENCES MORE.
FOR EXAMPLE, SEE SENTENCES
1O - 11 - 12
12 - 13 - 14
SENTENCES CONTAINING VERBS OF BEING, 20.02
SENTENCES CONTAINING PASSIVE VERBS, 46.7%
DESCRIPTIVE ADVERBS IN TOTAL WORDS, 0.9%
INDIRECT OR WORDY SENTENCES, 7.7%
SENTENCE SIMILARITY MEASURE, 13.3%
YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH IS 14.1 WORDS.
SOME OF YOUR SENTENCES APPROACH THE MAXIMUM DESIRED LENGTH. CHECK THEM
TO SEE IF THEY CAN BE CONDENSED. IF THEY CANNOT, YOU MAY WISH TO BREAK
THEM INTO TWO SENTENCES.
CHECK SENTENCES 5, 8
THIS CONCLUDES THE ANALYSIS OF YOUR STORY. THE COMPUTER MAY HAVE MISSED
SOME IMPORTANT ELEMENTS, OR MAY NOT HAVE RECOGNIZED SOME OF THE KEY
PHRASES WHICH YOU USED. CORRECT THE STORY ACCORDING TO THE COMMENTS AND
YOUR OWN BEST JUDGEMENT, AND THEN COMPARE YOUR VERSION WITH THE MIMEOGRAPHED
STORIES DONE BY OTHER STUDENTS.
SAMPLE STORY B ENTERED INTO THE COMPUTER
(from an English Composition Class)
1 ONE OF THE LEAST PROTESTED ORDEALS THAT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC
HAS BEEN SUBJECTED TO HAS BEEN THE PROCEDURE OF FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS
2 AND BURIAL. THE REASONS FOR THE LACK OF VOLATILE CRITICISM ARE MANY,
THUS GIVING THE COALITION OF FUNERAL DIRECTORS IN AMERICA THE UPPER
HAND IN DEALING WITH THESE MATTERS.
3 FUNERAL PREPARATIONS CAN BE AN ORDEAL AND TO THE MAJORITY OF
4 THE PUBLIC IT IS DEFINITELY ONE. ALTHOUGH THE AMERICAN PUBLIC MAY FEEL
THAT THEIR CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS CONCERNING THE BURIAL OF THEIR LOVED
ONES TO BE THEIRS ALONE, THEY WOULD BE SURPRISED TO FIND THAT THESE
CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS HAVE BEEN DICTATED BY FUNERAL DIRECTORS FOR
5 THEIR COMMERICAL BENEFIT. SELDOM IS THE INDIVIDUAL'S IDEA OF THE
6 PERFECT BURIAL HIS OWN. FOR YEARS FUNERAL DIRECTORS HAVE CAPITALIZED
7 ON THE UNPREPAREDNESS OF THE BEREAVED. UNLESS HAVING PREVIOUSLY
EXPERIENCED A DEATH IN THE FAMILY, THE AVERAGE CITIZEN IS TOTALLY
8 IGNORANT OF THE HIGH COST INVOLVED IN A FUNERAL. JESSICA MITFORD IN
HER BOOK, "FROM THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH", QUOTES THE AVERAGE UNDERTAKER'S
9 BILL AS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF $1,450. SHE GOES ON TO SAY
THE AVERAGE CITIZEN IS FORCED TO MAKE A QUICK DECISION ALTOUGH HE
IS TOTALLY UNPREPARED FOR SUCH, AND RELIES ON THE ADVICE OF THE WORST
10 PERSON POSSIBLE--THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR. UNDER A BARRAGE OF APPEALS
TO "AMERICAN TRADITION", KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES, AND SENTIMENTAL
AFFECTION FOR THE LOVED ONE, THE UNFORTUNATE CONSUMER CONSENTS TO
A SERVICE FAR EXCEEDING HIS WANTS OR NEEDS, BOTH PRACTICALLY AND
FINANCIALLY.
11 HOW HAS THE BOOMING BUSINESS REMAINED ABOVE PUBLIC CRITICISM
12 LORD ESSEX SAYS THAT THE AVERAGE UNPROTECTED CITIZEN HAS NEITHER
THE MORAL COURAGE TO SPEAK AGAINST OR ACT IN DEFIANCE OF THESE
13 PSUEDO AMERICAN CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS. ALSO, THESE PEOPLE ARE
CONFRONTED WITH THIS ORDEAL USUALLY JUST ONCE, AND ARE UNWILLING TO
MOUNT AN OFFENSIVE AGAINST SUCH A DISTANT PROBLEM.
14 TO COMBAT THIS GROWING INJUSTICE IN AMERICA THE PUBLIC SHOULD
15 BECOME AWARE OF THE SITUATION. EACH PERSON SHOULD DECIDE WITH HIS
FAMILY THE PROCEDURE THEY WILL TAKE SO THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES THEY
CAN BETTER COPE WITH PROBLEMS OF BURIAL.
COMPUTER ANALYSIS OF SAMPLE STORY B
THIS IS A DIFFICULT ASSIGNMENT. YOU WERE ASKED TO GIVE A COMPRESSION OF
THE EVIDENCE IN JESSICA MITFORD'S BOOK THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH AS PART
OF A PERSUASIVE EDITORIAL TO CONVINCE YOUR READERS THAT FUNERAL PRACTICES
SHOULD BE CHANGED. THE COMPUTER HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED TO CATCH ERRORS
AND OMISSIONS AND SUGGEST WAYS YOU CAN REVISE YOUR EDITORIAL; USE THE
COMMENTS YOU FIND USEFUL.
IT WAS GOOD THAT YOU REFUTED THE TENET THAT ELABORATE FUNERALS ARE IN
THE "AMERICAN TRADITION."
THE CASE OF MR. AUGUST CRELINI WAS USED BY JESSICA MITFORD TO PROVIDE
HUMAN INTEREST AND BUILD PERSONALIZED OUTRAGE AT THE LIES AND OTHER
DECEPTIONS USED TO BILK BEREAVED RELATIVES. IF YOU DID NOT REFER TO
THIS CASE STUDY, DID YOU PROVIDE SOME OTHER EVIDENCE TO ACHIEVE THIS
SAME RESULT?
YOU WERE ASKED TO AROUSE PUBLIC SENTIMENT FOR REFORM. IF YOU DID NOT
MENTION "FUNERAL SOCIETIES" OR "MEMORIAL ASSOCIATIONS" WHICH ARRANGE FOR
PRE-PLANNED "DIGNIFIED FUNERALS AT REASONABLE COST," DID YOU RECOMMEND
SOME OTHER SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM?
BOOK TITLES ARE ALWAYS UNDERSCORED, SO THE REFERENCE TO MISS MITFORD'S
BOOK SHOULD BE TO THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH, UNDERSCORED. OUR TEXT
GAVE THE EXCERPT THE CHAPTER HEADING "FROM THE AMERICAN HAY OF DEATH,"
BUT YOUR CITATION SHOULD BE TO THE BOOK ITSELF.
CURRENT TYPOGRAPHY REQUIRES THAT PERIODS AND COMMAS ALWAYS COME WITHIN
THE CLOSING QUOTATION MARKS.
THE CLICHE "KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES" USES THE PLURAL FORM OF THE
NAME JONES.
EDITORIALS USUALLY ARE GIVEN TITLES, SO IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO THINK
OF ONE TRY TO DESIGN SOME SHORT AND EYE-CATCHING TITLE FOR THE REVISED
ESSAY.
REPLACE SOME OF YOUR "TO BE" VERBS FORMS, "IS," "WAS," "AM," "ARE,"
"BEEN," ETC., WITH VERBS SHOWING MORE ACTION.
REPLACE 1 OR MORE WITH ACTIVE VERBS.
CHECK SENTENCES 1, 3, 4, 7
YOU USE A FEW TOO MANY PASSIVE VERBS.
CHANGE 3 OR MORE TO ACTIVE VOICE.
CHECK SENTENCES 1, 4, 9, 13
YOU MAY BE USING TOO MANY ADVERBS AND ADJECTIVES INSTEAD OF FINDING
THE VERB OR NOUN WHICH SAYS EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. EXAMINE YOUR STORY
TO SEE IF ADVERBIAL OR ADJECTIVAL PHRASES CAN BE ELIMINATED.
WORDS LIKE "CAUSE," "OF," "THERE," 'WHICH," "THAT," "THESE" AND "THOSE"
OFTEN INDICATE WORDY, INDIRECT SENTENCES. ELIMINATE 4 OR MORE OF THEM
IN YOUR STORY. SEE IF YOU CAN IMPROVE THE SENTENCE:
ALTHOUGH THE AMERICAN PUBLIC MAY FEEL THEIR
CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS CONCERNING THE BURIAL.
THEIR LOVED ONES TO BE THEIRS ALONE, THEY WOULD BE
SURPRISED TO FIND CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS
HAVE BEEN DICTATED BY FUNERAL DIRECTORS FOR THEIR
COMMERCIAL BENEFIT.
NEWSPAPER STYLE GENERALLY ELIMINATES THE COMMA BEFORE "AND" AND
"OR," ESPECIALLY IF CONNECTING ITEMS IN A SERIES.
CHECK SENTENCES 9, 10, 13
SENTENCES CONTAINING VERBS OF BEING, 33.3%
SENTENCES CONTAINING PASSIVE VERBS, 40.0%
DESCRIPTIVE ADVERBS IN TOTAL WORDS, 1.7%
INDIRECT OR WORDY SENTENCES, 38.5%
SENTENCE SIMILARITY MEASURE, 0.0%
YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH IS 23.4 WORDS.
SOME OF YOUR SENTENCES APPROACH THE MAXIMUM DESIRED LENGTH. CHECK THEM
TO SEE IF THEY CAN BE CONDENSED. IF THEY CANNOT, YOU MAY WISH TO BREAK
THEM INTO TWO SENTENCES.
CHECK SENTENCES 4, 9, 10
SOME OF YOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE DEFINITELY TOO LONG. BREAK THEM INTO TWO
OR MORE PARAGRAPHS IF YOU ARE SURE YOU CAN NOT CONDENSE THEM.
CHECK PARAGRAPH 2
THIS CONCLUDES THE ANALYSIS OF YOUR STORY. THE COMPUTER MAY HAVE MISSED
SOME IMPORTANT ELEMENTS OR MAY N T HAVE RECOGNIZED SOME OF THE KEY
PHRASES WHICH YOU USED. CORRECT THE STORY ACCORDING TO THE COMMENTS AND
YOUR OWN BEST JUDGEMENT, AND THEN COMPARE YOUR VERSION WITH THE MIMEOGRAPHED
STORIES DONE BY OTHER STUDENTS.
